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August 18-31
VOL.14 ISSUE. 26

America The Broken

Roland Sweet
Published Wednesday November 12, 05:06 pm
U.S. shoppers don’t let attempted murders slow them down

Photo Credit: Illustration by Myron Campbell

After a 50-year-old shopper at a Philadelphia supermarket was stabbed in the face and neck in the produce aisle, other shoppers ignored police trying to clear them from the scene. They continued shopping, “standing on the blood, pushing their shopping carts over the blood,” Chief Inspector Scott Small said. “Some people actually asked the police if they could reach on the shelf and grab some dairy products that were where most of the blood was because we had that area cordoned off.” (Philadelphia’s WTXF-TV)


Missing the Point

To avoid being confined to a prison cell for assault, Benjamin Louis Young, 52, hid out from police in the basement of his home in Onoway, Alberta, for 17 years. While his wife went to work, Young helped raise their two children, did household chores and dealt marijuana. “We had been looking for him for years,” RCMP Cpl. Colette Zazulak said after police, who never stopped looking for him, finally decided, for the first time, to visit his house. “I knew someday I’d have to give my pound of flesh,” Young said after pleading guilty to the original charge. He received a three-year prison sentence. (Edmonton Journal)


Fake Boobs In The News

Venezuela faces a breast-implant shortage, according to reports noting women are having to settle for implants that are the wrong size or made in China. Quality imported implants approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration are limited because Venezuela’s restrictive currency-controls limit spending on foreign goods to $300. Brand-name implants start at $600; Chinese implants cost as little as $200. According to the International Society of Aesthetic Plastic Surgery, Venezuelan doctors performed 85,000 implants in 2013, ranking fifth worldwide, behind the United States, Brazil, Mexico and Germany. “It’s a culture of ‘I want to be more beautiful than you,’” plastic surgeon Daniel Slobodianik said. “That’s why even people who live in the slums get implants.” (Associated Press)


Vehicular Follies

A man backing out of his driveway in Aurora, Colorado, jumped out of his van to avoid being burned by a cigarette he dropped on himself. The vehicle kept moving, knocked him down and ran over his head. He was hospitalized in critical condition. (Denver’s KUSA-TV)


Drinking-Class Hero

After grateful members of Canada’s House of Commons applauded Alain Gervais, the guard who shielded them from gunman Michael Zehaf-Bibeau, New Democrat Party caucus chair Glenn Thibault declared, “We just need to constantly make sure that that person never has to pay for a beer at any pub in the country for the rest of his life.” After learning that Gervais’s favorite beer is Molson, Gavin Thompson of Molson Coors Canada announced, “We will take good care of Alain.” Molson promptly delivered several hundred bottles of beer to his Ottawa home. (CBC News)


Friendly Banitoba

After complying with a municipal liquor ban dating back to the 19th century, residents of Hanover, Manitoba, learned that no such ban exists. “I didn’t know any better,” Stan Toews, 63, the rural community’s reeve, said. “We went back to 1880, and we could not find a bylaw that said Hanover is dry.” Toews invited local establishments interested in selling alcohol to apply for a provincial liquor license. (Canadian Press)


Liquid Motivation

Minneapolis ad agency Colle & McVoy reported that since it began offering workers a free glass of beer for filling out their timecards properly, time-sheet completion has improved by 90 percent. (United Press International)


Flames of Love

Dim Xiong Chien, 22, planned to propose to his girlfriend at China’s Liaoning Advertisement Vocational College in Shenyang by setting off fireworks as he kneeled, but she forgot their meeting. He set off the fireworks anyway, hoping to attract her attention, and went to look for her. While he was gone, the fireworks sparked a grass fire that burned down the college’s sports hall. (New York Post)


Irony of the Week

Tobacco giant Reynolds America Inc. is banning smoking in all its Richmond, Virginia, offices and buildings. Company official David Howard said the new rule takes effect just as soon as the company builds indoor smoking areas for employees who don’t want to go outside to smoke. Workers may still use smokeless tobacco products. (Associated Press)


Alternate Theory of the Crime

British magistrates cleared Thomas Clark, 28, of voyeurism charges, even after he admitted hiding his phone in the unisex toilet where he worked with the intention of filming other workers at their office in Southgate. He denied taking pictures of women for sexual thrills, insisting he has an extreme phobia of diarrhea and vomit, so he wanted to make sure that no one using the toilet ahead of him had diarrhea or had vomited. “I try to keep the phobia to myself,” Clark testified, saying it began when he was eight. “It got to such a severe stage where I felt completely trapped, with panic attacks, and could only get reassurance by putting my phone in the toilet.” (Britain’s Crawley News)


A Reasonable Explanation

Sheriff’s deputies who arrested Lisa Carol Roche, 41, after they caught her taking items from cars parked at a high school in Jackson County, Mississippi, said she claimed she was looking for members of the terrorist group ISIS. (Gulfport’s Sun Herald)


Curses, Foiled Again

Police in Panama, Oklahoma, charged Brandon Lee Aaron, 27, with statutory rape after his 15-year-old victim identified him by a tattoo of his ex-girlfriend’s name on his penis. (Tulsa World)

Compiled from mainstream news sources by Roland Sweet

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