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August 18-31
VOL.14 ISSUE. 26

News Quirks

Rolland Sweet
Published Wednesday April 15, 12:45 am
Satan’s disciples want to give kids colouring books, but nooo

Photo Credit: Illustration by Myron Campbell

After the Satanic Temple asked an Orange County School Board for permission to distribute a Satanic coloring book to Florida students, the board voted to ban not only Satanic materials but also outside Bibles. The World Changers of Florida had previously been allowed to hand out Bibles. (Orlando Sentinel)


Remain In Light


A London-based architectural firm announced it has developed a skyscraper that doesn’t cast a shadow. NBBJ explained the design involves a pair of precisely aligned towers with curved and angled facades that reflect sunlight to the street below and onto each other. “The ‘No-Shadow Tower’ redirects sunlight to visibly reduce shadows at the base of the towers by 60 per cent over typical buildings,” a company official said. (The Telegraph)


Nous Sommes Charlie Hebdo


Surviving staffers of the French satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo are feuding over how to split the surge in revenue since the deadly shootings at its Paris office. Sales rose from 30,000 copies a week to hundreds of thousands, and revenue jumped to $32 million. Eleven members of the staff asked lawyers to turn the magazine into a cooperative so everyone can share the profits. Others oppose the move, saying it’s an attempt to get their hands on the 40 per cent of shares owned by murdered editor Stephane Charbonnier that now belong to his parents. (New York Daily News)


Curses, Foiled Again


A burglar used the homeowner’s devices to log on to porn, YouTube and his Facebook account, but authorities in Monroe County, Florida, quickly identified him because he forgot to log off Facebook. Sheriff’s official Becky Herrin said the 16-year-old suspect also ate a Pop Tart and drank a soda. (Miami Herald)


The Plague Boobs


Australian authorities charged Erica Leeder, 26,with assaulting a police officer with breast milk. While being searched after her arrest on an unspecified warrant, Leeder, who was nude from the waist up, grabbed her breast and squirted milk onto the forehead, arms and clothes of the female officer conducting the search. The Western Australia Police Union said the assault charge was partially due to the possibility the breast milk might spread disease. (United Press International)


Paper, Rock, Brassiere


When Patricia Leece, 61, answered a knock at her door in Lexington, Kentucky, stranger Ashley Sies, 31, pushed her way in and began choking Leece with a bra. After a 20-minute struggle, Leece said she managed to knock Sies unconscious by hitting her on the head with a ceramic chicken. (Lexington’s WKYT-TV)


Dancecrime Is Doubleplus Ungood


Chinese officials are cracking down on square dancing, which is popular with elderly women known as “dancing grannies” who gather in public squares in large groups to perform. Concerned that the “over-enthusiasm of participants has dealt a harmful blow, with disputes over noise and venues,” Liu Guoyong, the chief of the government’s General Administration of Sports Mass Fitness Department, said a panel will introduce 12 authorized routines, and announce when they are permissible and the volume of the music. “The unified drills will help keep the dancing on the right track where they can be performed in a socially responsible way,” said fitness trainer Wang Guangcheng, a member of the panel. (BBC News)


Florida Man Is Coming For You


The world’s largest international sperm bank moved its main U.S. office from New York to Orlando, Florida. Cryos International is definitely targeting college students, said the company’s Jim Londeree, who pointed out that the nearby University of Central Florida is among the largest universities in the nation and the corporation has “a huge donor base here.” Londeree added that approved donors “can make up to $750 a month.” (Orlando Sentinel)


Missing The Point


A speaker at Australia’s sixth annual National Disability Summit had to be lifted onto the stage because there was no ramp for wheelchairs or mobility scooters. In addition, disabled participants, who each paid $2,000 to attend the privately organized event, were all seated at one table in the back of the room. A blog post by participant Jax Jacki Brown noted that the “accessible toilet was filled with chairs and used as a storage space,” and “the food provided was up on really tall tables” so wheelchair users couldn’t reach it. (Australia’s ABC News)


Savage Salsa


Police said Phyllis D. Jefferson, 50, stabbed her 61-year-old boyfriend while the two were eating chips and salsa at home in Akron, Ohio, after they got into an argument over who was eating all the salsa. (Cleveland’s WKYC-TV)


The Sound of No Hand Clapping


Organizers of Britain’s National Union of Students (NUS) Women’s Conference asked delegates to use jazz hands instead of clapping to avoid “triggering anxiety.” The aim, delegate Nona Buckley-Irvine explained, is “to show appreciation of someone’s point without interrupting or causing disturbance.” Gee Linford-Grayson agreed. “Plus,” she added, “who doesn’t like jazz hands?” (BBC News)


The Invisible Man


Burglary suspect Christopher Wallace, 24, eluded sheriff’s deputies in Somerset County, Maine, for several weeks but then unwittingly alerted them to his whereabouts by revealing on Snapchat that he had just returned home. A second post followed, saying deputies were at his home and coming inside, but he was hiding in a cabinet. Social media-monitoring deputies then headed for the cabinet and found “a pair of feet,” the sheriff’s department’s Facebook page reported. “The feet just so happened to be attached to a person, and that person was Christopher Wallace.” (Kennebec Morning Sentinel)


Fiery Wrath


Jerome Clemons, 44, set fire to his house in Boynton Beach, Florida, authorities there said, after his niece refused to give him a ride to a liquor store. (South Florida Sun Sentinel)


Compiled from mainstream news sources by Roland Sweet

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