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August 18-31
VOL.14 ISSUE. 26
HOME / STORY

Fight To The Graves

Geraldine Malone
Published Thursday December 10, 05:47 pm
Star Wars siblings argue about their favourite films

The countdown is on until the world begins a whole new Star Wars adventure. The stores are already lined with adorable BB-8’s and Millennium Falcons for Christmas consuming. But in the Grave’s family home the parents know better than to bring up the film franchise over dinner because it’s likely going to lead to loud conversations, fights and sometimes even a lightsaber battle.

Besides being siblings, Joanna and Elliott Graves aren’t really anything like Luke and Leia Skywalker. They aren’t twins, their dad isn’t a Sith Lord and unfortunately they don’t have the force.

But they were both raised on Star Wars and are obsessive to what a professional would probably say is an unhealthy degree.

As the older sibling, Elliott first saw Star Wars when he was about two. Until he was five, Elliott counted Luke Skywalker as his best friend, although now he believes he probably relates more to Darth Vader —mostly for hygienic reasons.

“Everything was neat and clean. Even look at the movies, the hallways are super nice. I feel like the Empire had it going on,” Elliott says.

Being a few years younger than her Star Wars-obsessed brother, Joanna figures she has always watched the series but didn’t always like them.

“I was like four years old and I remember arguing with [Elliott] because I didn’t understand what was going on,” she says.

After finally figuring out what was happening, Joanna moved outside the movies and started the journey into the extended universe. That’s where she found her favourite character, Mara Jade, Palpatine’s right-hand-woman who goes on a revenge mission to kill Luke before they eventually fall in love.

She hates Bib Fortuna, Jabba the Hutt’s interpreter because of his razor teeth and sweaty, tentacled head.

Both siblings agree the best Star Wars movie is The Empire Strikes Back and that The Phantom Menace is the worst because it was too PG and included asinine characters like the universally despised Jar Jar Binks.

I sat down with the Graves’ to watch all of the Force Awakens trailers and discuss the good, the bad, and the Palpatine.

What are you most excited about from the trailers?

Elliott: I’m actually excited to see the story progress. I know it’s a cop-out answer but when Episode 1 was coming out I knew there was an end point, because it was one, two, three and we already knew what would happen when they introduced Anakin Skywalker. But all of this stuff is new.

Joanna: I really liked all of the flying stuff in the old ones. It was like the part that interested me, flying through space. Then when they did the first three, the graphics were getting better, but the camera work in these new flying along shots is really phenomenal. It’s like you aren’t just watching them fly around, you’re flying around with them.

What storylines would you most like to see in the upcoming movies?

J: I’d like to see children of Luke and Leia, and the legacy.

E: Yes, the next generation of them… I love Han [Solo], Chewie can always be in there, and Carrie Fisher, then you bring in the new crop and let them take it.

What’s the worst thing that could happen to destroy the movie for you?

J: Jar Jar Binks makes a cameo.

E: I don’t want to lose any of my characters. I think they need to be ushered through, but it needs to happen with class. I don’t want Han getting killed off but I feel like that’s something that’s actually going to end up happening.

J: I bet you it’s Leia. She’s a General now.

E: That would break my heart. It would be powerful in the movie. It would do what it needed to do, but I would be like, ‘man where did she will that bikini? Who got that bikini?’

Fuck, Marry, Kill: Star Wars edition

J: Fuck Darth Vader, Marry Han Sol, and Kill C-3P0

E:  I would fuck Slave Leia. I would also think about Attack of the Clones Padmé. She makes some shots, kicks ass. I would kill Jar Jar Binks  in a terrible way, the kind of way I couldn’t explain to my mother. I’d also probably kill a couple of Imperial Generals just by choking them like Vader does because that looks like a lot of fun. He does one over video conference, he Skypes a guy and chokes him to death. Can you imagine?

I’d marry Boba Fett. He looks like he’d take you on some adventures long-term.

Joanna: One thing I will say about the Star Wars universe is I always liked that women were badass. Women were fighting and shooting and taking care of themselves. There weren’t a lot of them in it, but even slave Leia choked Jabba the Hut — she strangled him with a chain. That’s a cool thing about it.

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